As some of you readers are gearing up for the final exams, I thought it might be helpful to jot down some survival tips for spending long hours in the library.

Today’s message:

Tips for eating in the library

• Quiet is the only acceptable volume in the library. Open the noisy treat wrapper BEFORE entering the library so that you can quietly consume AFTER you are situated at your study area.
• Choose a delectably satisfying treat that does not make noise as you chew. Example: no potato chips, carrots or garden salad. I don’t care if you are a vegetarian.
• Select a treat that will not melt. Your fingers shouldn’t share your chocolate with your computer, notebook or library book. And if you happen to forget about your treat, you don’t want to find a blob of chocolate in your backpack during your next trip to the library.
• Keep the treat in an outside pocket of your backpack but not the netted pocket. You want snack access to be easy, quick and smooth but you don’t want the library guards to see it before you eat it.
• Choose a snack that does not smell. Fragrant treats are bound to make your library neighbors jealous and maybe you just don’t want to attract the attention of the library nerd. Example: fresh popcorn or a Carrabba’s entrée will give you away.
• Clean up your crumbs. It’s just common courtesy for the next person.

This message brought to you by the letters Y, U and M and by the number 5. Enjoy!

One?

One time my sister, the one they named the hurricane after, and I thought it would be fun to start a blog together. But, since she can’t remember the address of our joint blog, I will have to bring you to our joint world all on my own.

Here is what Katrina and I were texting today:

Me: Katrina, I ran into this guy today and totally remembered his name even though I am pretty sure I only talked to him once or twice. Ever. And so I was trying to remember how I could recall his name so well. And then it came to me! Remember when we went to that party and that one guy kept introducing himself as Handsome Rob! Haha! That was totally him!

Katrina: Haha! I totally forgot about that!

Now, I am sure Katrina remembers this as well but seriously, this guy really did not fit any definition of Handsome Rob. So Katrina and I got a kick out of watching him introduce himself as that to the ladies and the ladies being completely caught off guard. I mean, how DO you respond to that? I can tell you how HE responded when WE didn't respond. At one point I think he even announced that we could all start calling him that...I glanced at Katrina across the room and we couldn’t contain the laughter. Parties are just more fun with a sidekick and a wannabe Handsome Rob. And so are blogs. :)

I received this email: “Hi Melinda, Sorry about the miss communication.”

I attended that pageant once. It was called the Miss Information pageant. Contestants competed for the titles of miss articulation, miss mention, and miss utterance. It got me thinking. People just get so caught up these days in exchanging information. Why are pageants even created to award scholarships for that?

Thinking back to the email I received, I feel sorry for miss communication too…sometimes things have a way of getting out of control, especially when miss understood or miss guided is around.

You got a copy on me?

Breaker, breaker…Katrina! I’m sending out a mayday from here in my apartment…seems that the twin roomies are in quite the catfight. I overheard them shrieking, “You can’t ever borrow my clothes again! Ever!” “Well, then you can’t ever borrow my clothes again!”

If they aren’t borrowing clothes and they hardly ever do laundry, who will empty the trash? Cause it’s still too cold to go outside naked!

This is a 10-17 not just a 10-32! Over.

My Science Project conclusion

I posted My Science Project on March 11th. The project has continued until today. Here is the update.

Conclusion: Today I entered my apartment and the overflowing trash bags were finally gone. My hypothesis of letting the number of trash bags accumulate to three was incorrect. Number of bags finally equaled five before bags were taken to dumpster by roommates. Smell in apartment? Priceless.

Just had a conversation with an Obama supporter.

Me: Do you still agree with Obama’s policies now that you see him in office?

Supporter: Of course I do. I especially agree with his policy on Iraq. I think he is right on when he says that we should find the Taliban and just sit down and talk with them. We don’t need to fight over things.

Me: Would you feel differently if a close family member or friend had been a victim of 9/11?

Supporter: Nope, I don’t think so.

Me: Huh. Our opinions on that subject differ completely.

To this day, when I recall the images of 9/11, tears still fill my eyes. I would never want anyone to go through the same emotions of fear, panic, despair, and hurt that Americans had to endure that day.

About one week after 9/11, I had to fly. Security was so tight that I didn't bother with a carry-on. The airport had an ominous feel to it...almost completely void of people and soldiers dressed in combat uniforms pacing the halls and carrying machine guns. I arrived two hours early, per the new regulations. It took an extra couple of hours to prepare the plane. When I boarded the plane four hours after arriving at the airport, there were only about a handful of others flying. I had a layover. It was scheduled to last for only one hour. About five hours later, I boarded the plane with another handful of people. I admit that I was a little scared to fly.

A couple of months ago I was in the airport when a large group of soldiers entered the airport. They were returning home for a couple weeks. As three soldiers boarded the same shuttle as me, all passengers erupted in grateful applause for the soldiers sacrifice. These days I feel a little more secure in flying and I hope we are able to locate those groups that create this fear and find a way to create more peace.

Dr. Maughan

I saw this video posted on a friend's blog and it seems to me that this is the type of therapy that La-Lee would give if he were a therapist. Actually, he already does...he always says that aliments are all in our head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYLMTvxOaeE

"The World aint all sunshine and rainbows..."

Like many people his age, he is 39 years old. Happy Birthday Dad!

Here are 39 memories dedicated to our dear 'ole dad:

1. When we were little, he would lie on the floor and ask us to walk on his back so he could get a massage.
2. When we would drive by a cow he would say, “that cow is outstanding in his field”.
3. During a rainstorm, he often swerves to miss raindrops
4. He likes to honk and wave while driving even when no one is there
5. He would spend time rocking us to sleep as toddlers and singing songs to us.
6. One song I could never figure out went something like this, “do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?”
7. Plays the role of Santa Claus at Christmas by passing out the presents one by one.
8. Texts us kids trivia questions. For instance: “Trivia: in Galaxy Quest, what is the captain’s motto?”
9. Prefers oatmeal cookies with raisins to all other cookies.
10. Joke: “How you catch a unique rabbit? You’nique up on it.”
11. Loves Star Trek.

12. Loves vanilla Ice Cream. He usually has one or two cartons in the freezer. And when he forgets to replenish his supply, he jokingly shuffles around the kitchen looking forlorn after dinner and says “ahh, I don’t have any ice cream for dessert.”

13. Claims he speaks Spanish by adding an “o” to the end of every word.
14. Our cousin once asked, “Uncle Steve, have I ever seen a cow before?” Dad, “Umm, I don’t know. Maybe your mom knows.” I guess he appears to be all-knowing.
15. When something goes wrong on the computer that he can’t figure out how to fix, he will say that it probably broke due to user error.
16. He will randomly ask us, “When was the last time you defragged your computer?”
17. He would always cook us a hearty breakfast on campouts.
18. Loves to garden.
19. When coming across a sad looking tree, he will sing “A dead tree” and sometimes roll his head to the side with his tongue hanging out to show how dead should look.
20. Tried to convert us to using Sock Locks. Sorry Dad. A good plan that never worked.

21. Loves leftovers. Could eat them day after day.
22. Built us “stilts” out of soup cans and rope.














23. Built us a zip line to lead us to our tree forts at Grams and Papa’s house in the mountains.
24. Wins lots of online contests.
25. Whenever he fixes something, he announces that it was “Fixed by Camel”. A Sweet Pickle book character from when we were little who could fix anything.
26. Joke: “When you’re rowing downstream and your bumper falls off, how many pancakes does it take to cover your dog house? No silly, chickens don’t have lips!”
27. Joke: “Knock Knock” “Who’s there?” “Banana. Knock Knock” “Who’s there?” “Banana. Knock Knock. “Who’s there?” Orange.” Orange who?” “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
28. Always volunteers to do yard work if there is a chance there will be a Bobcat tractor he can operate.
29. In about 90% of photos of my dad, his eyes are closed. He claims that we don’t take the photo fast enough.

30. Loves fresh fruit. Whenever he is eating some he will carry around pieces of it chopped up and offer some to everyone in the room. We usually take one or two pieces but no one enjoys fruit as much as my dad. Well, maybe Rebecca.
31. Green pajamas. Whenever he buys new pajamas or receives them as a gift, they are always green. Don’t ask me why. I guess the store only makes them in that color.
32. He is a little bit squeamish about killing bugs. (Don’t tell him we said so.) He does a good job finally killing them but they get away a few times before ending up flushed down the toilet.
33. When we lived in California it would take dad an hour or two to commute to work, so he would leave before we woke up. One day as I was getting ready for school, dad came back into the house and started to make some phone calls. When I asked him why he was home, he said that he had been in a car accident. I started laughing because he was so calm and nonchalant about it that I figured he was just kidding. He told me to look at the car. The car’s trunk was smashed. But this just shows that dad is pretty level-headed no matter what is going on.
34. Dad has worked for AT&T for 31 years. Sprint is the cell phone service provider for our family. I don’t know why. It’s just a fact. (minus Katrina)
35. Sometimes when there is only a small amount left of two different kinds of cereals, dad will mix the two cereals if they might taste good together. We will discover the mixture when we pour a bowl of fruit loops and find cheerios inside as well.
36. No matter what big building you're passing on the road- if you ask Dad he'll tell you Carmax is bigger than that. It's HUGE!
37. Last time we went to Disney World, Dad found this little dinosaur in one of the lines. He held it up and rawr'd with it every time we went to a new ride and we got through all the lines super fast.

38. Dad likes experimental texting. He has a feature on his phone that types while he talks and it is a little off sometimes. Okay, all the time- but he'll send the text that way anyway and laugh about it.

39. He never laughs AT anyone or makes them feel bad about themselves. But if you are laughing at yourself, he will join in the fun. And then help you fix whatever went wrong so you don't feel bad. Thanks Dad, for always making us feel loved.

This just in...

Update: We are going to the gym now so I can learn my back exercises. If I don't make it out alive...well...please just don't tell the P90x producers. How embarrassing.
I'll bring my camera, because this is bound to be exciting.
PS Sorry if I'm late Mel- I don't have any practical work out clothes in my wardrobe! Go figure. I'm actually not entirely sure what those consist of, but I'm still searching...

Announcing another English language lesson that some people did not learned in college: Complement vs. Compliment.

I recently received this email, “I vote we get a ping pong table or air hockey table in the lounge to compliment the Foosball table.” In other words, this person hopes that the new ping pong table or air hockey table will say nice things to and about the Foosball table.

My Science Project

Test Question:
Am I the only person in my apartment that will take the trash from our second-floor apartment downstairs and across the parking lot to the dumpster?

Hypothesis:
Because I have been the only person to take out the trash all year, I believe that my roomies will just let trash accumulate until either I volunteer to take out the trash or the number of full trash bags reaches three.

Data collected:
Day 1: I start my experiment by beginning with an empty trashcan under the kitchen sink.
Day 4: The trashcan under the kitchen sink reaches capacity.
Day 5: Roomies continue to use full trashcan and excess trash overflows into the area under the sink.
Day 6: a.m. Roomies get out an empty trash bag and put it on the kitchen floor.
Day 6: p.m. Roomies begin to fill up the trash bag on the kitchen floor. Full trashcan is still under the sink surrounded by trash that has overflowed.
Day 8: Today. Two full trash bags. (I almost took pity on my roommate that stays home all day because she doesn’t go to school and doesn’t have a job by opening a window so the smell wouldn’t asphyxiate her. What am I saying?!?! She stays home all day and it will be healthy for her to take out the trash…in more ways than one.)

Conclusion:
To be determined…

"Love...Reign O'er Me..."

I know you've been waiting for your customized list of Dating tips, so I have come up with list number one. I'm sure there will be additions later on as I think of them, but in the meantime I didn't want to keep you waiting when this could be crucial in your success. I've personalized it for you but it mostly came out as a list of things not to do, so I'll be thinking of more positive helpful Do's to add as we go. That being said, Welcome to your handy hopeful guide to meeting the man of your dreams....Ahem...

• Do not date anyone originally from Utah or Idaho. Especially if they have never lived out of either of these states. This is just not acceptable.
• Do not date anyone you are not attracted to. I know this sounds silly, but it happens all the time. It is not shallow. Even if other people think they are attractive, if you don't agree it will always end eventually- and the longer you drag it out the more awkward it will get trying to think of acceptable excuses to break up without hurting their feelings.
• Do not date someone who does not eat as much as you. Talk about awkward when you go out to eat. The exception to this rule is if you are an extremely big eater and men often have trouble keeping up with you. In that case, may I recommend the steak. Mmmmm....
• Do not call or text boys first, and when answering texts, be funny about it. Try not to be too sarcastic through texting, though. That can easily be misread. Which brings me to my next point...
• Do date someone with a good sense of humor, for crying out loud. Laughing at things builds great bonds, and let's face it- nobody wants to be with someone they can't joke around with. Life is funny.
• Don't date someone who talks about themselves all the time. Even if they're interesting, they're not THAT interesting.
• Also, don't reveal too much about yourself right away. Kind of like that 'never be too available' rule. Less is more, because Mystery is far more fun to play around with...as long as you don't play it up too much. If something isn't that exciting, you don't want them to keep badgering you until you finally have to tell them the unexciting truth. Then they'll wonder what all the fuss was about and think you're strange.
• If your date shows the slightest signs of possessiveness, jealousy or insecurity- run like the wind. You don't need any of that nonsense. It may seem attentive and cute at first, but it gets old fast. Really old, really fast.
• Do make sure he's wearing good stylish shoes. I don't know why, but shoes can tell a lot about a person's taste. It's nice not to want to redesign someones wardrobe.
• Do not make direct eye contact with someone while talking if you are not interested. Look everywhere else around the room with occasional glances at him and hope he gets the hint.
• Do not date someone because you want to "fix" them. This is a big one, because I think every girl does it. Nurturers by nature, but that one can end very badly, and pretty much always does.
• Do not give guys the "one date" rule so many girls have come to think they have to give. I don't know where the pity date came from, but come on. Really all you're doing is leading the guy on when you know he doesn't have a chance, and making yourself miserable in the process. It's OK to just say no.
• Do make sure you're lookin' pretty smokin' at all times.
• If all else fails, go find this street and stand on the corner and wait:

Dear Distracted Driver,
It is never a pleasant experience to feel like you have been left out of a private joke. Especially when you are constantly reminded of your exclusion as you drive by multiple giant neon lime green billboards whose message from the company seems to be mocking your ignorance. The company’s website offers no apology for omitting passing drivers from the company joke. I checked.

In interviewing a total of one other person regarding their reaction to the current billboards, the response was: “I thought it just meant that they were seeking average type people to work there since Kate and Doug are just average type names. But then I couldn’t figure out the ‘Too Many Mikes’ billboard so I guess I don’t really understand the campaign.”

As I pondered your question, I came to a conclusion. This particular company, henceforth referred as “erutinmO” in order to keep the company’s anonymity, does indeed have brilliant people working for there named Doug and Kate. I met them. Maybe the billboards are imploring for more brilliant people. So far the company only has two, Doug and Kate.

To prevent the feeling of being left out of erutinmO’s private joke, I recommend the following three steps:
1. Avert your eagle-eyes when passing the neon lime green billboard, but don’t go so far as to close your eyes if you are driving. Keep them riveted straight ahead so as not to cause an accident.
2. See #1

Good luck,
College grad and former erutinmO employee

A hoe lot of superstitions

Today I was looking for something behind the hide-a-bed and discovered a garden hoe tucked away there. Why is someone trying to conceal a garden hoe in the upstairs bonus room? Is there some sort of superstition related to that like "if you keep a knife under your mattress when you deliver a baby, it will cut the pain"?

Dear Expert,

I'm confused. What is with all these green billboards that have things written on them like: "We need more Dougs" and, "We have too many Mikes"?! Who are Doug and Mike?! Who is Kate? Am I missing something? Is this an Omni. inside joke they're chuckling over as I stare in confusion every time I pass one of their stupid green signs? Would I know this if I had furthered my education? Please tell me, as you are the College and Omni. pro.
Sincerely,
Distracted Driver

Another superpower they don't teach in college

I moseyed into the dry cleaners the other day to drop off a jacket.

Employee: Hi, can I help you?
Me: Yeah, I would just like to drop off this jacket.
Employee: OK, can I get your phone number?
Me: Sure…763…(blank stare from Employee as her hand hovers over the keyboard)…um, 763…(continued blank, unblinking stare from employee)…oh, maybe you need an area code first? OK, 801-763…(still, the unblinking stare and hovering hand)…
Employee: You know, even though it looked like I wasn’t paying attention, I really was. I was just waiting for the last four digits of your phone number.
Me: (confused stare…huh, why didn’t she say so?) Oh, ok.

She types in the last four digits and then looks back up.

Employee: Is there anything else?
Me: No thanks, I think that’s it.
Employee: OK.

Silence. She waits and looks at me expectedly. Awkward silence begins. I count the seconds ticking by and begin to shift from one foot to the other.

Me: (confused again…do I pay now or when I pick up the jacket?) Um, is there anything else I need to do?
Employee: Nope, you’re all done.
Me: Great, thanks!

I hop into the car.

Mom: Can you put the claim ticket in my purse so I can find it later?
Me: Claim ticket? She didn’t give me a claim ticket. She said I was all done when I asked her if I needed anything else.
Mom: (laughing) How will we pick up the jacket without a claim ticket?
Me: (super confused) I THOUGHT that was strange…I normally DO get a claim ticket.

I mosey back into the dry cleaners.

Employee: Can I help you?
Me: Hi, I was wondering if I could get a claim ticket for the jacket?
Employee: Well, yeah, but you were in such a hurry to leave…(she reaches over to her printer, rips off the ticket and hands it to me)
Me: (totally certain that she printed the ticket after I left because I would have heard the printer while I counting the seconds ticking by) Thanks!

Chalk up the experience as evidence to something I DIDN’T learn in college: mindreading.

And now, Something many people apparently did NOT learn in college...using the word "literally" correctly. Why must people do this? I just don't understand. Don't they know what literally means? Example: "I was so scared I literally died!" Really? That's pretty impressive if you died, and you're here now. To tell about it. Since you literally weren't alive before. I'm just sayin'...