"Love...Reign O'er Me..."

I know you've been waiting for your customized list of Dating tips, so I have come up with list number one. I'm sure there will be additions later on as I think of them, but in the meantime I didn't want to keep you waiting when this could be crucial in your success. I've personalized it for you but it mostly came out as a list of things not to do, so I'll be thinking of more positive helpful Do's to add as we go. That being said, Welcome to your handy hopeful guide to meeting the man of your dreams....Ahem...

• Do not date anyone originally from Utah or Idaho. Especially if they have never lived out of either of these states. This is just not acceptable.
• Do not date anyone you are not attracted to. I know this sounds silly, but it happens all the time. It is not shallow. Even if other people think they are attractive, if you don't agree it will always end eventually- and the longer you drag it out the more awkward it will get trying to think of acceptable excuses to break up without hurting their feelings.
• Do not date someone who does not eat as much as you. Talk about awkward when you go out to eat. The exception to this rule is if you are an extremely big eater and men often have trouble keeping up with you. In that case, may I recommend the steak. Mmmmm....
• Do not call or text boys first, and when answering texts, be funny about it. Try not to be too sarcastic through texting, though. That can easily be misread. Which brings me to my next point...
• Do date someone with a good sense of humor, for crying out loud. Laughing at things builds great bonds, and let's face it- nobody wants to be with someone they can't joke around with. Life is funny.
• Don't date someone who talks about themselves all the time. Even if they're interesting, they're not THAT interesting.
• Also, don't reveal too much about yourself right away. Kind of like that 'never be too available' rule. Less is more, because Mystery is far more fun to play around with...as long as you don't play it up too much. If something isn't that exciting, you don't want them to keep badgering you until you finally have to tell them the unexciting truth. Then they'll wonder what all the fuss was about and think you're strange.
• If your date shows the slightest signs of possessiveness, jealousy or insecurity- run like the wind. You don't need any of that nonsense. It may seem attentive and cute at first, but it gets old fast. Really old, really fast.
• Do make sure he's wearing good stylish shoes. I don't know why, but shoes can tell a lot about a person's taste. It's nice not to want to redesign someones wardrobe.
• Do not make direct eye contact with someone while talking if you are not interested. Look everywhere else around the room with occasional glances at him and hope he gets the hint.
• Do not date someone because you want to "fix" them. This is a big one, because I think every girl does it. Nurturers by nature, but that one can end very badly, and pretty much always does.
• Do not give guys the "one date" rule so many girls have come to think they have to give. I don't know where the pity date came from, but come on. Really all you're doing is leading the guy on when you know he doesn't have a chance, and making yourself miserable in the process. It's OK to just say no.
• Do make sure you're lookin' pretty smokin' at all times.
• If all else fails, go find this street and stand on the corner and wait: